What Your Coffee Order Says About You


Mocha: There comes a time in a boys life where he has to put down the hot chocolate and become a man.

Flat White: My ugly haircut and I need to speak to your manager.

Tea/Hot Chocolate (I Don’t Drink Coffee): It’s been several years since I started puberty, but I still can’t grow a beard. Even my grandma has more facial hair than I do.


Extra Hot: I like poetry, long walks on the beach, and drinking things that taste like death.

Decaf: People really misunderstand Pauline Hanson. She’s the best thing for this country when you think about it. Not that I can actually think about it, as my IQ is only 66.

DARE Iced Coffee: I’m not ready for the real world.

Almond/Soy Milk: My yoga pants are made from ethically sourced cotton and the proceeds support vegan children in Africa. And my farts are organic.


Decaf Coffee with Soy Milk: There is a special place in Hell for people like me.

Cappuccino: There’s nothing wrong with me, I’m really quite normal. Except for the fact that all of my friends are cats.


Long Black: Feel that? Even my chest hairs have chest hair.

Starbucks Coffee: I have more Snapchat followers than brain cells, LOL! #pumpkinspicedunicornfrappe #whitegirlz #squadgoals #yassskween


Chai Latte: When I finish my Cert III in Makeup Artistry, I want to backpack around India for a year.

Chai Latte with Almond Milk: I’m not like other girls. I have a nipple piercing and a Sylvia Plath quote for everything.

Piccolo Latte: I haven’t actually come out of the closet yet. I just need to acquire more glitter and several pink elephants.


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